Thursday, January 21, 2010
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Monday, January 18, 2010
Friday, January 15, 2010
एक्टिंग ओं लाइफ'स STAGE
ACTING ON LIFE'S STAGE!
With the fullness of time and the wisdom of hindsight, I now realize clearly that I spent much of my life playing a "character" that would please others. How many, upon reflection, know this to be true about themselves.
How do you play your roles?
"What concerns me is not the way things are, but rather the way people think things are." -- Epicetus. This was likely the approach I took to my existence. The way things are (reality) became something I consciously was in denial about; I cared truly about what you thought.
When we are basically unconscious, we live according to social roles. We perform as sons and daughters, mothers and fathers, husbands and wives, employers and employees, as society expects us to.
As we grow in awareness, we gain the freedom to bring our own unique perspectives to these roles. We can express ourselves authentically and creatively, without letting our roles dictate how we should behave.
Those roles, the things I am in life, did not change. Son, father, grandfather, friend, husband, confidant and more, all remained. With the process of co-creative life recovery, how I played those roles (authentically) changed and changes for the better as the journey continues. I enjoy a new freedom today, a freedom based on accepting being the best me I can be is just fine and my perspectives have value and are OK. I live in truth with myself and the higher power I have frequent conscious contact with today.
We all are actors on life's stage. I have gone through a transformation that allows me to play the role of authentic Keith, and I no longer have to act a false role as well as produce and direct my life. Relief with a new found peace and serenity and a strong sense of hope.
I would love to read your thoughts about this here or at www.hopeserenity.ca,
"Risk! Risk anything! Care no more for the opinion of others, for those voices. Do the hardest thing on earth for you. Act for yourself. Face the truth." -- Katherine Mansfield
With the fullness of time and the wisdom of hindsight, I now realize clearly that I spent much of my life playing a "character" that would please others. How many, upon reflection, know this to be true about themselves.
How do you play your roles?
"What concerns me is not the way things are, but rather the way people think things are." -- Epicetus. This was likely the approach I took to my existence. The way things are (reality) became something I consciously was in denial about; I cared truly about what you thought.
When we are basically unconscious, we live according to social roles. We perform as sons and daughters, mothers and fathers, husbands and wives, employers and employees, as society expects us to.
As we grow in awareness, we gain the freedom to bring our own unique perspectives to these roles. We can express ourselves authentically and creatively, without letting our roles dictate how we should behave.
Those roles, the things I am in life, did not change. Son, father, grandfather, friend, husband, confidant and more, all remained. With the process of co-creative life recovery, how I played those roles (authentically) changed and changes for the better as the journey continues. I enjoy a new freedom today, a freedom based on accepting being the best me I can be is just fine and my perspectives have value and are OK. I live in truth with myself and the higher power I have frequent conscious contact with today.
We all are actors on life's stage. I have gone through a transformation that allows me to play the role of authentic Keith, and I no longer have to act a false role as well as produce and direct my life. Relief with a new found peace and serenity and a strong sense of hope.
I would love to read your thoughts about this here or at www.hopeserenity.ca,
"Risk! Risk anything! Care no more for the opinion of others, for those voices. Do the hardest thing on earth for you. Act for yourself. Face the truth." -- Katherine Mansfield
Monday, January 11, 2010
Sunday, January 10, 2010
देअलिंग विथ पेनफुल FEELINGS
DEALING with PAINFUL FEELINGS
I went to my regular fellowship meeting last night. It is a small group of men with real fellowship present. Over the summer, one of the young guys had gone MIA, and last night he returned. A little whipped, but back.
When he had his turn to speak, he said the reason he had AWOL’ed was due to feelings that had welled up in him while listening to others in the fellowship behave in ways he thought not right.
That old word…..feelings.
Feelings of hurt or anger can be some of the most difficult to face. We can feel so vulnerable, frightened, and powerless when these feelings appear. And these feelings may trigger memories of other, similar times when we felt powerless.
Sometimes, to gain a sense of control, we may punish the people around us, whether they are people we blame for these feelings or innocent bystanders. We may try to "get even," or we may manipulate behind people's backs to gain a sense of power over the situation.
These actions may give us a temporary feeling of satisfaction, but they only postpone facing our pain.
Feeling hurt does not have to be so frightening. We do not have to work so hard to avoid it. While hurt feelings aren't as much fun as feeling happy, they are, still, just feelings.
We can surrender to them, feel them, and go on. That does not mean we have to seek out hurt feelings or dwell unnecessarily on them. Emotional pain does not have to devastate us. We can sit still, feel the pain, figure out if there's something we need to do to take care of ourselves, and then go on with our life.
We do not have to act in haste; we do not have to punish others to get control over our feelings. We can begin sharing our hurt feelings with others. That brings relief and often healing to them and to us.
Eventually, we learn the lesson that real power comes from allowing ourselves to be vulnerable enough to feel hurt. Real power comes from knowing we can take care of ourselves, even when we feel emotional pain. Real power comes when we stop holding others responsible for our pain, and we take responsibility for all our feelings.
Today I am thrilled to be able to “feel” my feelings, acknowledge them, and deal with them in a healthy way. It does give me a real power, and I have to say that learning to honour my feelings and deal with them in a healthy way was something that took time in this journey of life recovery. For that I am grateful. So how do you feel about feelings? Can you deal with the painful ones? Love to see your comments here or have you share at www.hopeserenity.ca.
I went to my regular fellowship meeting last night. It is a small group of men with real fellowship present. Over the summer, one of the young guys had gone MIA, and last night he returned. A little whipped, but back.
When he had his turn to speak, he said the reason he had AWOL’ed was due to feelings that had welled up in him while listening to others in the fellowship behave in ways he thought not right.
That old word…..feelings.
Feelings of hurt or anger can be some of the most difficult to face. We can feel so vulnerable, frightened, and powerless when these feelings appear. And these feelings may trigger memories of other, similar times when we felt powerless.
Sometimes, to gain a sense of control, we may punish the people around us, whether they are people we blame for these feelings or innocent bystanders. We may try to "get even," or we may manipulate behind people's backs to gain a sense of power over the situation.
These actions may give us a temporary feeling of satisfaction, but they only postpone facing our pain.
Feeling hurt does not have to be so frightening. We do not have to work so hard to avoid it. While hurt feelings aren't as much fun as feeling happy, they are, still, just feelings.
We can surrender to them, feel them, and go on. That does not mean we have to seek out hurt feelings or dwell unnecessarily on them. Emotional pain does not have to devastate us. We can sit still, feel the pain, figure out if there's something we need to do to take care of ourselves, and then go on with our life.
We do not have to act in haste; we do not have to punish others to get control over our feelings. We can begin sharing our hurt feelings with others. That brings relief and often healing to them and to us.
Eventually, we learn the lesson that real power comes from allowing ourselves to be vulnerable enough to feel hurt. Real power comes from knowing we can take care of ourselves, even when we feel emotional pain. Real power comes when we stop holding others responsible for our pain, and we take responsibility for all our feelings.
Today I am thrilled to be able to “feel” my feelings, acknowledge them, and deal with them in a healthy way. It does give me a real power, and I have to say that learning to honour my feelings and deal with them in a healthy way was something that took time in this journey of life recovery. For that I am grateful. So how do you feel about feelings? Can you deal with the painful ones? Love to see your comments here or have you share at www.hopeserenity.ca.
Friday, January 8, 2010
वहत मेसेज दीद यू मोस्ट वांट तो हेअर?
What message did you most need to hear?
"One word frees us from the weight and pain of life; that word is love." --Sophocles
A great question and point of view from my mentor, Dr. Randin Brons. In reading the list below, one statement did strike me differently. Funny, as I looked back on my past as I began the journey of life recovery, not feeling this particular statement had a huge impact on how I developed and life unfolded.
In exploring the enneagram, Riso and Hudson have identified 'lost messages' that we needed to hear as children but didn't. The absence of these words may be at the heart of our most basic fear. And unconsciously we may still be seeking to hear these words from others.
Review the following messages and note if any one touches you more strongly than the others:
1. "You are good."
2. "You are wanted."
3. "You are loved for yourself."
4. "You are seen for who you are."
5. "Your needs are not a problem."
6. "You are safe."
7. "You will be taken care of."
8. "You will not be betrayed."
9. "Your presence matters."
"Oh the comfort, the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person, having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring them all right out, just as they are -- chaff and grain together -- certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and with the breath of kindness blow the rest away." -- Dinah Mulock
That word and that feeling.....love. I didn't feel like I got it, lost it for myself, and did things trying to get it. Without it for myself, I know today that I lost the ability to truly feel it for others. Today I feel it for me, and can give it unconditionally to you, and the other statements above just "are".
I invite you to share your thoughts about this article on this site or at www.hopeserenity.ca.
"One word frees us from the weight and pain of life; that word is love." --Sophocles
A great question and point of view from my mentor, Dr. Randin Brons. In reading the list below, one statement did strike me differently. Funny, as I looked back on my past as I began the journey of life recovery, not feeling this particular statement had a huge impact on how I developed and life unfolded.
In exploring the enneagram, Riso and Hudson have identified 'lost messages' that we needed to hear as children but didn't. The absence of these words may be at the heart of our most basic fear. And unconsciously we may still be seeking to hear these words from others.
Review the following messages and note if any one touches you more strongly than the others:
1. "You are good."
2. "You are wanted."
3. "You are loved for yourself."
4. "You are seen for who you are."
5. "Your needs are not a problem."
6. "You are safe."
7. "You will be taken care of."
8. "You will not be betrayed."
9. "Your presence matters."
"Oh the comfort, the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person, having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring them all right out, just as they are -- chaff and grain together -- certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and with the breath of kindness blow the rest away." -- Dinah Mulock
That word and that feeling.....love. I didn't feel like I got it, lost it for myself, and did things trying to get it. Without it for myself, I know today that I lost the ability to truly feel it for others. Today I feel it for me, and can give it unconditionally to you, and the other statements above just "are".
I invite you to share your thoughts about this article on this site or at www.hopeserenity.ca.
Thursday, January 7, 2010
ठाट फर्स्ट STEP
THAT FIRST STEP
Maybe it's the time of year, maybe it's my receptors, but I have read a lot over the last few days about taking the first step. This first step has many applications.
I read that every journey of 1000 miles starts with that first small step, and reflecting back on my own life, how true that is.
I found myself years ago at a point where on the outside to others things looked good. Smoke going up the chimney of a lovely home, three cars, a job, no financial debt and so on.
Inside I was a mess and my behaviour in what I thought was a "private" world was shameful. My wife had announced she was leaving me, I was depressed and an emotional wreck had no conscious spiritual life, relationships with my kids were strained....you get the picture. I hid this part of life as best I could from others. I was full of fear.
That first step for me was getting professional help to deal with a marriage break up that I did not want to see happen. That professional passed me on to a professional who was very knowledgeable about living issues that included addictive behaviour. I kept a relationship- professional- with this coach for three years, and he quarterbacked my recovery. Recovery for me involved far more than addictions, it involved a whole new personal approach to life.
My coach introduced me to the 12 steps and recommended meetings, after a period of time; he suggested a rehab program that was right for me. He coached me, through questioning, to look at several areas of my life, including life balance. He helped me to realise what was really important to me. Along the trail, I have had occasion to engage a couple of other "coaches" in specialised areas. While my fellowship keeps me grounded in the area of its expertise, to keep the journey on a positive track, I do call on experts in specialised areas when required. I do it because it works. I am worth investing in.
That first step in my journey and in my working the 12 steps started with accepting I was in trouble, and taking that first step on the journey. For me it was getting help, and this required action on my part.
Today, I read from Hazelden, the following:
"Taking the first step helps bridge the gulf between our dreams and our accomplishments.
Whether the project is cleaning the garage, building a cathedral, or recovering from an addiction, plans must be translated into action. In order to arrive at our destination, we must begin the trip. We can read hundreds of college catalogs, but it's when we register for a course, buy a textbook, and begin to study that we are on our way to a degree.
Two factors inhibit our beginning a project. The first is lack of clear motivation, and the second is fear of failure. If we don't really want to do something, it's hard to get started. So, if motivation is a problem, we may need to reconsider our choice of projects.
As for fear of failure, this may be something that we step over and around as we move forward. It is not a good reason for aborting a dream. If, in spite of fear of failure, we make a beginning, we will find that the fear shrinks with every step we take. Action is the catalyst. We learn how to do something by doing it."
I know today what held me back from taking that first step, and am abundantly grateful that I was pushed and motivated to take it. It has made a profound positive change in the life I live today. What is holding you back from taking that first step? You are worth it!! (www.coached-to-success.com or www.hopeserenity.ca)
Maybe it's the time of year, maybe it's my receptors, but I have read a lot over the last few days about taking the first step. This first step has many applications.
I read that every journey of 1000 miles starts with that first small step, and reflecting back on my own life, how true that is.
I found myself years ago at a point where on the outside to others things looked good. Smoke going up the chimney of a lovely home, three cars, a job, no financial debt and so on.
Inside I was a mess and my behaviour in what I thought was a "private" world was shameful. My wife had announced she was leaving me, I was depressed and an emotional wreck had no conscious spiritual life, relationships with my kids were strained....you get the picture. I hid this part of life as best I could from others. I was full of fear.
That first step for me was getting professional help to deal with a marriage break up that I did not want to see happen. That professional passed me on to a professional who was very knowledgeable about living issues that included addictive behaviour. I kept a relationship- professional- with this coach for three years, and he quarterbacked my recovery. Recovery for me involved far more than addictions, it involved a whole new personal approach to life.
My coach introduced me to the 12 steps and recommended meetings, after a period of time; he suggested a rehab program that was right for me. He coached me, through questioning, to look at several areas of my life, including life balance. He helped me to realise what was really important to me. Along the trail, I have had occasion to engage a couple of other "coaches" in specialised areas. While my fellowship keeps me grounded in the area of its expertise, to keep the journey on a positive track, I do call on experts in specialised areas when required. I do it because it works. I am worth investing in.
That first step in my journey and in my working the 12 steps started with accepting I was in trouble, and taking that first step on the journey. For me it was getting help, and this required action on my part.
Today, I read from Hazelden, the following:
"Taking the first step helps bridge the gulf between our dreams and our accomplishments.
Whether the project is cleaning the garage, building a cathedral, or recovering from an addiction, plans must be translated into action. In order to arrive at our destination, we must begin the trip. We can read hundreds of college catalogs, but it's when we register for a course, buy a textbook, and begin to study that we are on our way to a degree.
Two factors inhibit our beginning a project. The first is lack of clear motivation, and the second is fear of failure. If we don't really want to do something, it's hard to get started. So, if motivation is a problem, we may need to reconsider our choice of projects.
As for fear of failure, this may be something that we step over and around as we move forward. It is not a good reason for aborting a dream. If, in spite of fear of failure, we make a beginning, we will find that the fear shrinks with every step we take. Action is the catalyst. We learn how to do something by doing it."
I know today what held me back from taking that first step, and am abundantly grateful that I was pushed and motivated to take it. It has made a profound positive change in the life I live today. What is holding you back from taking that first step? You are worth it!! (www.coached-to-success.com or www.hopeserenity.ca)
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
व्हो अरे यू मेंत तो बे?
WHO ARE YOU MEANT TO BE?
“Often we don't listen to who we're meant to be because we're so busy trying to live out someone else's ideas. But other people and their opinions hold no power in defining our destiny.”
— Oprah
When I read this Oprah quote, I held on to it, and have reflected upon it.
For years, a small quiet voice inside whispered to me who I was supposed to be. I learned how to ignore it and escape it to a point that I consciously didn't hear it anymore.
I am an example of a person who for too many years tried to live the ideas of others and listened too much to what others thought I should be. I wanted to please them, and it was not until the past few years that I reconnected to that inner voice and took action to be whom I was meant to be.
While who I am and what I do does not please everyone, it pleases the higher power I have an optimistic outlook, smile easily, laugh easily and am far more tolerant of others points of view than I ever have been. Moments of depression pass quickly and each day I am blessed with moments of both hope and serenity. I can, and do, make a positive contribution to life in a way that pleases the higher power that I have regular conscious contact with! I sleep fitfully nearly every night.
Who are you meant to be?
This question is worth reflecting on, as are Oprah's words. The answer is the key to your happy future.
I'd love to see others share on this important topic either here or through www.hopeserenity.ca.
A word of caution, once I could honestly answer the question, getting to where I am today took hard work and the help of many! It is not an easy path.
“Often we don't listen to who we're meant to be because we're so busy trying to live out someone else's ideas. But other people and their opinions hold no power in defining our destiny.”
— Oprah
When I read this Oprah quote, I held on to it, and have reflected upon it.
For years, a small quiet voice inside whispered to me who I was supposed to be. I learned how to ignore it and escape it to a point that I consciously didn't hear it anymore.
I am an example of a person who for too many years tried to live the ideas of others and listened too much to what others thought I should be. I wanted to please them, and it was not until the past few years that I reconnected to that inner voice and took action to be whom I was meant to be.
While who I am and what I do does not please everyone, it pleases the higher power I have an optimistic outlook, smile easily, laugh easily and am far more tolerant of others points of view than I ever have been. Moments of depression pass quickly and each day I am blessed with moments of both hope and serenity. I can, and do, make a positive contribution to life in a way that pleases the higher power that I have regular conscious contact with! I sleep fitfully nearly every night.
Who are you meant to be?
This question is worth reflecting on, as are Oprah's words. The answer is the key to your happy future.
I'd love to see others share on this important topic either here or through www.hopeserenity.ca.
A word of caution, once I could honestly answer the question, getting to where I am today took hard work and the help of many! It is not an easy path.
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
लेत्तिंग गो (थ्रौघ मेदिततिओन)
LETTING GO!
As we enter a new year and a new decade, how much garbage are we carrying with us?
Over the quiet times of the last few days, I have asked myself that question, and have tried as best I can to let go of the garbage of the past and enjoy the "NOW"! Easier said than done.
As part of my recovery journey, I try, on a daily basis, to take a personal inventory of recent occurrences. Where I have been wrong or where the seeds of resentment or negative feeling have been planted, I try to address the issue immediately and keep the slate clean. My burden is far less today than the heavy baggage I toted years ago.
I am a believer in meditation.
When it was first suggested to me that I make meditation a part of my daily living, I rolled my eyes. I had no idea what meditation was and had visions of monks in the Himalayas chanting, or sitting at the foot of some bearded guru, a flashback to my semi- hippie days.
Seems I'm not alone. As I work with others and they open up, many tell me they really have no idea about how to meditate. For me, who needs things simple, meditation is simply slowing down my brain chatter and allowing myself to "Listen to and Hear" the small quiet voice inside.
The following talks about simple meditation as it relates to "Letting Go". Read it, think about it, and even more important, try it! It gets easier and more important in the maintenance of "Life Balance" as you use it.
"Letting go is the first step towards new beginnings. You need to release old thoughts, grudges, hurts and disappointments.
Old habits may die hard, but with a few little steps you can be rid of them forever.
One very effective way of ridding yourself of excess emotional baggage, is through visualization.
Find yourself a nice peaceful place where you will be undisturbed. Ensure that you make yourself as comfortable as possible, take a deep breath, and relax.
Continue to breath slowly in…and out…in…and out…letting go of all tension in your body. When you are ready, let your eyes close, and relax…Now as you relax and continue to breath deeply, notice any unwanted thoughts that come to mind…breath in deeply… and breath out slowly through your mouth… as you breathe out, imagine blowing the unwanted thought into a balloon…see the balloon expand as images of the unwanted thought are captured…continue to breath deeply… and blow any remaining images into the balloon…Now imagine a cord being tied tightly around the neck of the balloon…and as you now breathe out, let go of the balloon…letting go…a quietness of spirit…watch as the balloon drifts slowly away…notice the feeling of freedom and total relaxation as the balloon drifts… further… and further away…out of sight…out of mind…
This technique can be repeated as often as you feel the need, you can use the visualization for as many unwanted thoughts and images as you like. With practise, you will even be able visualize and release a whole bunch of unwanted thought balloons together, and watch as they slowly float away into oblivion."
It is amazing once you are use to it, how peaceful things can get simply by listening to the sound of your own breath (life) entering and departing and the answers you get in this quiet time! No mountains, no gurus, just some quality quiet time. Love to hear the results you get when you try it. Comments on this site or at www.hopeserenity.ca appreciated!
As we enter a new year and a new decade, how much garbage are we carrying with us?
Over the quiet times of the last few days, I have asked myself that question, and have tried as best I can to let go of the garbage of the past and enjoy the "NOW"! Easier said than done.
As part of my recovery journey, I try, on a daily basis, to take a personal inventory of recent occurrences. Where I have been wrong or where the seeds of resentment or negative feeling have been planted, I try to address the issue immediately and keep the slate clean. My burden is far less today than the heavy baggage I toted years ago.
I am a believer in meditation.
When it was first suggested to me that I make meditation a part of my daily living, I rolled my eyes. I had no idea what meditation was and had visions of monks in the Himalayas chanting, or sitting at the foot of some bearded guru, a flashback to my semi- hippie days.
Seems I'm not alone. As I work with others and they open up, many tell me they really have no idea about how to meditate. For me, who needs things simple, meditation is simply slowing down my brain chatter and allowing myself to "Listen to and Hear" the small quiet voice inside.
The following talks about simple meditation as it relates to "Letting Go". Read it, think about it, and even more important, try it! It gets easier and more important in the maintenance of "Life Balance" as you use it.
"Letting go is the first step towards new beginnings. You need to release old thoughts, grudges, hurts and disappointments.
Old habits may die hard, but with a few little steps you can be rid of them forever.
One very effective way of ridding yourself of excess emotional baggage, is through visualization.
Find yourself a nice peaceful place where you will be undisturbed. Ensure that you make yourself as comfortable as possible, take a deep breath, and relax.
Continue to breath slowly in…and out…in…and out…letting go of all tension in your body. When you are ready, let your eyes close, and relax…Now as you relax and continue to breath deeply, notice any unwanted thoughts that come to mind…breath in deeply… and breath out slowly through your mouth… as you breathe out, imagine blowing the unwanted thought into a balloon…see the balloon expand as images of the unwanted thought are captured…continue to breath deeply… and blow any remaining images into the balloon…Now imagine a cord being tied tightly around the neck of the balloon…and as you now breathe out, let go of the balloon…letting go…a quietness of spirit…watch as the balloon drifts slowly away…notice the feeling of freedom and total relaxation as the balloon drifts… further… and further away…out of sight…out of mind…
This technique can be repeated as often as you feel the need, you can use the visualization for as many unwanted thoughts and images as you like. With practise, you will even be able visualize and release a whole bunch of unwanted thought balloons together, and watch as they slowly float away into oblivion."
It is amazing once you are use to it, how peaceful things can get simply by listening to the sound of your own breath (life) entering and departing and the answers you get in this quiet time! No mountains, no gurus, just some quality quiet time. Love to hear the results you get when you try it. Comments on this site or at www.hopeserenity.ca appreciated!
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